With Discipline And Determination – Effective Negotiation Is A Destination.

For the purchase of a new home, or for pursuing a salary increase at work, or coming to an agreement with a teenage son or daughter, the skill of negotiating is vital and valuable.

Thoughts And Observations about Negotiating:

“Everything is a negotiation. Everything is a little bit of give and take.”  Lamman Rucker – U.S. actor, educator, activist.

“In business, you don't get what you deserve, you get what you negotiate.”  Dr. Chester L. Karrass – U.S. negotiator, author.

“A negotiation is a courtship, a dance.”  Michael Wheeler – U.S. academic, teaches negotiation theory and practice at the Harvard Business School .

“The four points of Principled Negotiation (Negotiation on the Merits): People: Separate the people from the problem. Interest: Focus on interest, not positions. Options: Generate a variety of possibilities before deciding what to do. Criteria: Insist that the result be based on some objective standard.”  Roger Fisher – U.S. academic,  taught international law and negotiation at the Harvard Law School .

“Distributive bargaining always has a winner and a loser. It happens when there is a fixed quantity of something and two sides are fighting over how it gets distributed. Think of it as a pie and you're fighting over who gets how many pieces.  … The other type of bargaining is called integrative bargaining. In integrative bargaining the two sides don't have a complete conflict of interest, and it is possible to reach mutually beneficial agreements. Think of it, not a single pie to be divided by two hungry people, but as a baker and a caterer negotiating over how many pies will be baked at what prices, and the nature of their ongoing relationship after this one gig is over.  One of the risks of distributive bargaining is bad will. In a one-time distributive bargain … you don't have to worry about your ongoing credibility or the next deal.” David Honig - U.S. lawyer, academic, attorney at Hall, Render, Killian, Heath & Lyman, adjunct professor at Indiana University Bloomington .

“As a negotiator, you should strive for a reputation of being fair. Your reputation precedes you. Let it precede you in a way that paves success. The 'Rule of Three' is simply getting the other guy to agree to the same thing three times in the same conversation, it's really hard to repeatedly lie or fake conviction.” Christopher Voss – U.S. businessman, author, academic, former FBI hostage negotiator, CEO of The Black Swan Group .

“If you come to a negotiation table saying you have the final truth, that you know nothing but the truth and that is final, you will get nothing.” Harri Holkeri – Finnish statesman, was the Prime Minister of Finland 1987–1991, president of the UN General Assembly 2000–2001, headed the United Nations Interim Administration Mission in Kosovo from 2003 to 2004.

“So much of life is a negotiation – so even if you’re not in business, you have opportunities to practice all around you.” Kevin O'Leary - Canadian investor, entrepreneur, television personality, best known for being an investor on the reality show Shark Tank, founder of O'Leary Financial Group and O'Leary Ventures, a private venture capital firm.

“Parents are often resistant to the idea of negotiating with their children, managers with their employees, or police with suspects because negotiation seems to imply giving away power. Ironically, parents negotiate with children, managers with employees, and police with suspects all the time, but without the negotiation label. Negotiation often involves applying power, recognizing someone else's power, or discussing arrangements that may realign power, but it does not necessarily imply giving away power. Negotiation is in fact often a way of exercising power more effectively.”  Bernard Mayer – U.S. negotiator, academic, author, founding partner of CDR Associates (Collaborative Decision Resources) , professor emeritus of conflict studies, program on negotiation and conflict resolution at Creighton University , most recent book is The Neutrality Trap: from Constructive Engagement to Strategic Disruption in Social Conflict, written with Jacqueline Font-Guzmán.

“Negotiation isn’t about getting what you want at the expense of others. It’s about clearly communicating your needs and expectations, and collaboratively crafting win-win solutions.”   Hendrith Vanlon Smith Jr, MBA – U.S. banker.

“You have to understand that every negotiation isn't about taking everything off the table. It's cliche, but you have to try and make sure the other side feels good and you feel good. Because in my business, when I make a deal, it just means once we're done negotiating, we have to go off and work together.”  Maverick Carter – U.S. sports marketing executive, co-founded LRMR Ventures with LeBron James.

“Negotiation is empathy. It's almost trite to say that if you can't put yourself in the seat of the other person you're speaking with, you're not going to do well. It's not about being a bully, not about making offers people can't refuse.” Marc Randolph – U.S. entrepreneur, co-founder of Netflix .

“Negotiation is not just about proposal and counterproposal. In real-life negotiations, it is of crucial importance to be able to persuade others, i.e., to influence how other people reason about different alternatives.”  Katia Sycara - Greek born/U.S. computer scientist, and Tinglong Dai – U.S. academic, Bernard T. Ferrari Professor of Business and Professor of Operations Management and Business Analytics at the The Johns Hopkins University - Carey Business School .

"The most effective negotiators are those who see through positions to the interests that lie beneath. … In the art of negotiation, listen twice, speak once, and let the silence work for you. … The power of negotiation isn’t in what you demand, but in what you’re willing to let go. … In every offer, lies a bridge to compromise, not a battlefield of demands. …  Success in negotiation isn’t about dominance; it’s about finding equilibrium.” Vorng Panha – Cambodian attorney.

“Negotiation is not about figuring out who is right or wrong. It is about getting the parties involved to agree to embrace the other party’s perspective.”  Elizabeth Suarez – Cuban born/U.S. business coach, academic, author,

“The most critical thing in a negotiation is to get inside your opponent's head and figure out what he really wants.”  Jacob Lew – U.S. attorney, diplomat.

“Negotiation is often described as the art of letting the other side have your way. You have to give the other side a chance to put stuff on the table voluntarily.” Christopher Voss - U.S. businessman, author, academic, former FBI hostage negotiator, CEO of The Black Swan Group .

“Tell me again how much you agree with me.”  Ashleigh Brilliant – U.K. born/U.S. author, cartoonist.

“Typically to get toward a productive outcome in negotiation you have to make the initial move of genuinely exploring someone's model. If you don't, it is unlikely that they will be willing to explore yours. And if you genuinely explore and understand theirs - without judging it - they will be willing to explore yours. Once they reach that point, they are primed to explore the productive combination of both models and won't be as obsessed about trying to make sure their model prevails.”  Roger Martin – Canadian academic, author.

“The best move you can make in negotiation is to think of an incentive the other person hasn't even thought of - and then meet it.” Eli Broad – U.S. businessman.

“The hallmark of futile negotiations is that each side regards [an] overarching reality as a problem for the people on the other side of the table, rather than one for everyone at the table.”  William Voegeli – U.S. author, editor.

“Business is not about hard negotiations. It's about mutually exploring a point of intersection where both parties find their objectives meeting.”  Sukant Ratnakar – Canadian entrepreneur, ceo and director of Quantraz Inc. , director of Systovation Publishing .

“My father said, ‘You must never try to make all the money that's in a deal. Let the other fellow make some money too, because if you have a reputation for always making all the money, you won't have many deals'.”  J. Paul Getty – U.S. industrialist.

“If there is negotiation, it must be rooted in mutual respect and concern for the rights of others. … We cannot negotiate with people who say what's mine is mine and what's yours is negotiable.”  John F. Kennedy – U.S. politician, president of the United States.

“Negotiation is all about building trust, removing suspicion and developing a sense of mutual confidence in the other party.”  Richard Ellis – U.S. academic.

“During negotiations nothing is gained by attacking people's comfort zones.”  Alan Sugar – U.K. entrepreneur, author.

“Though negotiations are a rough game, you should never allow them to become a dirty game. Once you've agreed to a deal, don't back out of it unless the other party fails to deliver as promised. Your handshake is your bond. As far as I'm concerned, a handshake is worth more than a signed contract. As an entrepreneur, a reputation for integrity is your most valuable commodity. If you try to put something over on someone, it will come back to haunt you.” Victor Kiam – U.S. entrepreneur.

“When a man tells me he is going to put all his cards on the table, I always look up his sleeve.”  Leslie Hore-Belisha – U.K. politician.

“The true test of the success of a negotiation is the results of the relationship formed as a result of the negotiation.”  William Fosdick Morrison – U.S. negotiator, author.

“True negotiation takes place when each side respects the other, and their point of view, and enters into the discussion positively. If you are determined that your solution, and your particular solution only, is the correct one - to be imposed on the other side if necessary - that is not negotiation; it is dictatorship.”  Tony Buzan – U.K. author, educational consultant.

“As a process, negotiation involves common and often overlapping interests. It is, after all, the recognition of a mutual interest or joint problem that produces a dialogue. The underlying mutuality of the decision to negotiate is in fact the key to the process.”  Brigid Starkey – U.S. academic, author, senior lecturer in political science, associate director of the global studies program at University of Maryland Baltimore County .

“During the negotiation information is more valuable than eloquence.”  Amit Kalantri – Indian engineer, magician.

“People make their decisions based on what the facts mean to them, not on the facts themselves” Roy J. Lewicki – U.S. academic, author, dean's distinguished teaching professor of management and human resources at The Ohio State University . lead author of the textbook Essentials of Negotiation.

“Information is a negotiator's greatest weapon.”  Victor Kiam - U.S. entrepreneur.

“At some time, the negotiators begin a mutual education process. This may be an explicit education process or indirect mutual learning through the presentation and exploration of positions. In most cases, in order to reach agreements, the parties must create informal or formal opportunities to educate each other about the connections they desire, the topics or issues for discussion, and their individual and collective needs and interests.”  Christopher W. Moore – U.S mediator, author.

“Invent several options all equally acceptable to you and ask the other side which one they prefer. You want to know what is preferable, not necessarily what is acceptable. You can then take that option, work with it some more, and again present two or more variants, asking which one they prefer.” Roger Fisher – U.S. academic, teaches negotiation at Harvard Law School .

“I see negotiations as an honest attempt to reach a deal that's great for everyone at the table. But sometimes, for whatever reason, that's impossible. You need to accept that possibility-don't make a deal for the sake of making a deal. If you do, chances are it will fall apart later anyway, with costs and headaches for everyone involved. And once you walk away, don't come back.” Kevin O'Leary - Canadian investor, entrepreneur, television personality,  best known for being an investor on the ABC reality show Shark Tank, founder of O'Leary Financial Group and O'Leary Ventures, a private venture capital firm.

“Develop a specific alternative as a fallback if the negotiation fails. If you can’t walk away, you can’t say no. Too often, cooperative people leave themselves without choices at the bargaining table. They have no alternatives planned if negotiations fail. Coaching note: your preparation must always include plan B. Life will go on if there is no deal, so find out what your alternatives are, work on improving them, and bring a clear vision of them with you to the negotiation.”  G. Richard Shell – U.S. academic, author, Chair of the The Wharton School 's Legal Studies and Business Ethics Department, wrote Bargaining for Advantage: Negotiation Strategies for Reasonable People.

“Basic rule of negotiation is to know what you want, what you need to walk away with in order to be whole.”  Phil Knight – U.S. businessman, former CEO of Nike .

“The single most powerful tool for winning a negotiation is the ability to get up and walk away from the table without a deal.” Paul Gauguin – French artist.

“Prepare by knowing your walk away [conditions] and by building the number of variables you can work with during the negotiation... you need to have a walk away... a combination of price, terms, and deliverables that represents the least you will accept. Without one, you have no negotiating road map.”  Max Keiser – U.S./Salvadoran broadcaster, film maker.

“Successful negotiation is not about getting to 'yes'; it's about mastering 'no' and understanding what the path to an agreement is. … The first and best way to say 'no' to anyone is, 'How am I supposed to do that?' Now the other side actually has no idea as to the number of things you've done …. at the same time, you conveyed to them you have a problem.” Christopher Voss - U.S. businessman, author, academic, former FBI hostage negotiator, CEO of The Black Swan Group .

“The single and most dangerous word to be spoken in business is ‘no’. The second most dangerous word is ‘yes’. It is possible to avoid saying either.”  @Lois Wyse – U.S. advertising executive, author, columnist.

“If you do not know where you are going, every road will get you nowhere.”  Henry A. Kissinger – U.S. political scientist, diplomat.

“To obtain a just compromise, concession must not only mutual--it must be equal also .... There can be no hope that either will yield more than it gets in return.”  John Marshall – U.S. statesman, jurist, fourth chief justice of the United States.

“In any negotiation, the one who first gives a number is the loser.”  Kenneth Eade – U.S. attorney, environmental/political activist, author of political and legal thrillers.

“Good negotiation is not about getting everything your own way. It is about balancing each other. You don't defer to your counterpart and concede all that he or she wants -- you have your own aspirations, which you must secure. That requires two-way movement which produces win-win.”  David Oliver – U.S. journalist.

“In negotiations, everyone goes home with a slice of tactful compromise, but nobody gets to binge on the whole cake and leave selfish, greedy and unrealistic crumbs for the rest.”  Stewart Stafford – U.S. author.

“The most difficult thing in any negotiation, almost, is making sure that you strip it of the emotion and deal with the facts.”  Howard Baker – U.S. politician.

‘I think, with a negotiation, you have to go in knowing what you want, knowing what your bottom line is, and knowing what you might accept if you're absolutely pushed.” Jacob Rees-Mogg – U.K. politician, broadcaster.

“If you don't know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.”  Yogi Berra – U.S. major league baseball player, manager.

“In the middle of a negotiation, what they planned to ask for suddenly seems ridiculous, excessive, too much. If this happens to you, hold on tight to the information you’ve collected, and don’t suddenly revise your goals downward. Focus on your target and fight the impulse to concede too quickly. After all your hard work, don’t make the mistake of walking away too soon.”  Linda Babcock – U.S. academic, author, James M. Walton professor of economics and former dean at Carnegie Mellon University - Heinz College of Information Systems and Public Policy , former head of the Social and Decision Sciences department. 

“Preparation in negotiations is known as the A and O, meaning it is the most essential ingredient. Through adequate preparation you will not be random in your approach but instead will be very specific and as a result you will be much more successful and achieve better results.”  Marc O. Opresnik  - German academic, author, professor of business administration with focus on marketing at the Lübeck University of Applied Sciences in Germany, co-author of several books with U.S. marketing professor Philip Kotler. 

“Any seasoned deal maker will tell you that spontaneous negotiation's a bad strategy; the ad hoc approach will leave you ripped-off, busted, conned, stiffed, outsmarted and generally holding the shitty end of the stick.”  Glen Duncan – U.K. author.

“The single most important tool for negotiation is patience.” Khaled Hosseini - Afghan-U.S. novelist.

“In business, you don’t get what you deserve, you get what you negotiate.” – Chester L. Karrass – U.S. negotiator, author.

“Never forget the power of silence, that massively disconcerting pause which goes on and on and may last induce an opponent to babble and backtrack nervously.”  Lance Morrow – U.S. writer, essayist.

“This is a classic negotiation technique. It’s a gentle, soft indication of your disapproval and a great way to keep negotiating. Count to 10. By then, the other person usually will start talking and may very well make a higher offer.” Bill Coleman – U.S.  businessman, radio broadcaster, politician.

“When it comes to salary negotiation, don't forget that salary is only one term of employment. What else is on the table - vacation time, benefits, bonuses, flex days? Before determining that these terms are 'must-haves' or 'giveaways' to get a bigger salary, find out what the counterpart has to offer. … In a job negotiation, the implementation of that deal is your success that also causes the company to succeed. … Salary negotiations are particularly important because people are testing you as both a co-worker and an ambassador. They really don't want you to be a pushover, and they don't want you to be a jerk.  … Salary negotiations shouldn't be limited to just salary. Salary pays your mortgage, but terms build your career.” Christopher Voss – U.S. businessman, author, academic, former FBI hostage negotiator, CEO of The Black Swan Group .

“Policy makers and business leaders take note: money matters. But often the best use of money as a motivator is to pay people enough to take the issue of money off the table—so that people can focus on the work rather than on the cash.”  Daniel Pink – U.S. writer.

“The first principle of contract negotiations is don't remind them of what you did in the past - tell them what you're going to do in the future.”  Stan Musial – U.S. major league baseball player.

“Negotiating a deal can only take place when there are two parties. If you wait too long, the other party may already have negotiated a deal with someone else.”  Robert Irwin – U.S. real estate entrepreneur.

“While negotiation is central to our lives, that does not imply that we are good at it -- still less that we find it a pleasurable activity. When engaged in complex negotiations, people become tired, confused, and emotional, making naive, inconsistent and rash decisions. They fall prey to personal prejudices, find it hard to weigh up complex alternatives dispassionately, and are subject to a range of misapprehensions and fallacies.”  Shaheen Fatima – U.K. academic.

“So, the first challenge is you. It is people who negotiate; not machines, or companies. We all have prejudices, values, ideologies, preferences, pressures, objectives, and judgment, as will the other party in your negotiations. So one part of our journey will involve you understanding why your greatest challenge in negotiation is yourself and how, by nature, you naturally see the world from your perspective rather than that of others.”  Steve Gates – U.S. businessman, consultant.

“One of the things I love about negotiations is that you have to be able to play it like an orchestra, different instruments for different circumstances. There's sweetness, and encouragement, and cajoling. There's pressure, there's drama, there's ultimatums.”  Susan Rice – U.S. diplomat, policy advisor, public official. 

“The better you are at communicating, negotiating, and handling your fear of rejection, the easier life is.”  Robert Kiyosaki – U.S. businessman, author.

“Honest disagreement is often a good sign of progress.”  Mahatma Gandhi – Indiana lawyer, activist.

“Success in negotiation is seen not to be measured therefore in points scored off one's opponent but in the contribution which the negotiation makes to the successful operation of the activity as a whole. This applies also within the negotiation itself. Each participating function must accept the need to modify its own demands as necessary to meet the requirements of the negotiating objective. There is shown to be no room in a negotiating team for the individual who insists on pursuing limited departmental interests to the detriment of his team's overall success.”  P.D.V. Marsh – U.K. solicitor, commercial executive, author, notable for books on contract law and negotiation, such as the Contract Negotiation Handbook and Comparative Contract Law.  

"To negotiate well is to understand that compromise is not about losing, but about mutual gain. … Negotiation is less about winning arguments and more about finding the wisdom in every perspective." Vorng Panha - Cambodian attorney.

“You can’t shake hands with a clenched fist.” Indira Gandhi – Indian politician, served as the prime minister of India.

“The most dangerous negotiation is the one you don't know you're in.” Christopher Voss - U.S. businessman, author, academic, former FBI hostage negotiator, CEO of The Black Swan Group .

“You get in life what you have the courage to ask for.”  Oprah Winfrey – U.S. television personality, producer.